I have been gone from my blog for some time now after having my third baby. It's been a nice break I must admit; social media can be overwhelming time consuming. There's nothing better than spending quality time with {or just staring at} my daughter - not even blogging, sorry to say!
I have been busy though blogging over at The Honest Company.
One of my latest posts over there has caused a lot of exciting conversation....
A year ago, after I found out I was pregnant, I decided that I was going to fully enjoy every moment of my pregnancy. I had my other babies when I was a lot younger and they were so close together that I didn't get to full enjoy the baby phase x2 or even the back-to-back pregnancies. {I had a 4 month old when I found out I was pregnant again}.
So this time, with some wisdom under my belt and knowing it would probably be my last, I decided to enjoy this crazy time in my life. But enjoying it meant not only ACCEPTING IT but EMBRACING IT and in order to do that happily, I decided to just not complain. About A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
I didn't wear a bracelet or talk about this new decision. I just made a conscious effort to watch my thoughts and my words. I mean, after all, I knew the inevitable would come - morning sickness, the back pain, the uncomfortable sleeping, weight gain, and emotional turmoil ups and downs. It wasn't a secret, I had done it twice before. So I just kept it to myself and ACCEPTED it as part of the most amazing process any BODY can go through - making a baby!
I also decided to be positive around my other two kids. I made a decision that my family is the most important thing to me. I accepted the challenges or parenting and I embraced it. I smile more even when I don't want to. I wake up positive, not grumpy. I don't let little things bother me and try to walk away from silly menial negative discussions. Gossip at my kids school was the last thing I wanted any part of and the same goes for anger and FEAR...that's another blog post in itself...there is a LOT of fear in child birth and pregnancy that is so unnecessary. I had to not let my mind even go there.
This doesn't mean being irresponsible or not discussing true feelings and recognizing emotions. Denying serious problems is not healthy either. Proper communication is the only way to deal with issues head on. But unnecessary fighting, arguing, negativity, fear, worry and whining, just is NOT a necessary or fun way to live.
Even a natural birth at home?...Nope, I didn't complain! The sleepless nights with an infant...nope, still didn't complain! {ask my husband} It started to truly become second nature. Once I stopped, it was like complaining wasn't even an option anymore. I did often laugh at the craziness of childbirth and the pain/pushing: It was FREAKIN' HARD AND SCARY. It's just a fact. But again, I made a choice to let go of FEAR and the whining of things that were out of my control.
I went to a yoga class while pregnant. A super spiritual and gentle class. {confession: I haven't done yoga since my early 20s} The instructor started doing her mantas while we were meditating at the end of the session. Her reminders: Everything right now is what is supposed to be. Everything happening is meant to happen. AND IT CLICKED:
CHILL OUT! ENJOY THE RIDE! ALL IS OK! ALL IS GOOD! CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!
I found this to be so helpful and I continue to tell myself this. It helps me to not freak out when things aren't going as I want them to.
MY LIFE ISN'T PERFECT. MY KIDS ARE HARD. MY LIFE CAN BE CHALLENGING. WE ALL HAVE DARK DAYS. BUT I ACCEPT MY LIFE AS IT IS. I CREATE MY HAPPINESS WITHIN THE CHALLENGE. THERE IS A REASON THESE THINGS ARE HAPPENING TO ME - WHETHER GOOD OR BAD - AND I FIND MY COMFORT AND MY CONTROL IN KNOWING THAT. AS THEY ANNOYINGLY SAY "IT'S AAAALL GOOD"!
There are way too many things that are out of our control. But the one thing we can control is our attitude about it. And we can control how we react and what we say. A positive attitude can make the toughest of times, the most amazing ones. Sometimes the best things come out of the worst struggles. And being positive is what we owe our kids, our husbands and those around us. SPREADING POSITIVITY is a gift we can offer if we choose to.
I remember purprosely avoiding discussions that might upset me or keep my mind from being present and happy. It was a great decision. I now see a lot of unnecessary anger and fear on a daily basis just by opening up Facebook or turning on the news. Take a look today at the fear and hate over things that are 100% out of our control. So what's the point and why do we do this?
Somebody tagged me in an instagram photo {thanks Renee}. The photo said this:
WHEN YOU COMPLAIN, YOU MAKE YOURSELF A VICTIM. LEAVE THE SITUATION. CHANGE THE SITUATION. OR ACCEPT IT. ALL ELSE IS MADESS. -- Eckhart Tolle
And how true is this? It's exactly what I have discovered for myself {only he said it way better, being concise is not a gift I was born with}. We are total victims every time we complain. You can't be strong, powerful, happy and be a victim at the same time.
I keep this quote on my wall and every time my husband comes to me with an issue or is annoyed or mad or I'm totally ready to just unload and explode, I look at the quote and remember my options. MADNESS ISN'T AN OPTION FOR ME.
And I look at my daughter each day and thank her for she has made me a new person.
valentina | sweet kabocha
Quality time with your children is the best thing a mother can give to them, so you're totally forgiven for this social media break ^_^
And about the quote, I agree so much with it! I know some persons who always complain about their lives, becoming depressed and hopeless. It doesn't work to live in this way!
Juli Novotny
Valentina! I'm glad you agree! Thanks for commenting... 😉
Juli Novotny
by the way a friend of mine had a baby just 6 days before me and her name is...drum roll...Valentina! 😉 I LOVE IT.
chloe marty
Wow. This is amazing. It really is. Thank you for sharing. This might have been just the kick in the ass that I needed currently - perspective and proof of the power of taking control of your happiness. Thanks, Juli. xoxo
Juli Novotny
You're the best chloe. Thank you for always being so sweet and supportive. I am glad this post affected you in a positive way and I LOVE Merricks shirt by the way. She wears it a TON. 😉 it's just about too small and i will have to order more. Are you coming out with any new designs?
Michelle S
I love this. I have four young children and my self care kind of got put on hold 4 years ago while pregnant with my twins (the youngest two). But they taught me patience, and acceptance and I totally understand what you mean when you say your daughter makes you a better person! Imagine how enlightened you will be when life settles down if you can be this accepting during the baby stage! I am back to regular yoga and it is helping me to stay zen in my crazy life. thanks for sharing your insights 🙂
Juli Novotny
Michelle, yes...that's awesome. I don't do yoga much at all but what I love most about yoga is the "Talk" and the end when you meditate on all the great things because it's so calming. Anyways, thanks for reading the post and sharing! I appreciate it. 😉
Lesa Marie Bennett
This is eloquent. Thank you for sharing it! I have tried to decipher this exact practice to my own yoga students, my family members in conversation where it fits and to myself during a dark time in a crazy/sleep-deprived/stressful/hormonal day. To choose to leave complaining out of the equation and then to practice it over and over is the true testament of a strong individual. We have to be strong. For our children. For our spouses. For our communities. For ourselves. No, life isn't easy. But nothing in this beautiful gift of life worth having is ever really easy.
Juli Novotny
Hi Lesa,
THANK YOU for commenting. I appreciate it. It truly is hard to stop complaining. I have to literally bite my tongue and stop talking. But I'm not a victim and never want to be one. Also, lately, just this past week I found myself needing extra love and extra friend time. I did talk kinda "negatively" but I thought a lot about it and feel like it's ok to talk to friends and look to them for help and sometimes the talk can be negative. But as long as good stuff comes from it, it's all good! you know? You have to talk through bad things. It's life and very therapeutic. 😉
--- Juli